Monday, August 28, 2006

Rough Weekend

I got a call Friday from my mom at work. First of all, since she had her stroke in January she hasn't called me herself at work so I was very surprised to hear her voice. Of course the doomssayer in me said - "OMG - What happened now". I asked how she was and she said she lost her brother. My uncle passed away at 72 years of age on the golf course. He was in great health so this is a shock to all of us. Mom wants me go to NY for the funeral but I just can't. I've been up there 3 times this year already and it's so hard. I wrestled all weekend with this, didn't sleep, just moped around. Big T said no - don't go. Even today I'm thinking about this and the funeral is tomorrow morning. If I end up going I would either have to drive 12 hours right through the night or pay out my nose for a plane ticket.

If that didn't make my weekend hard enough I learned at church yesterday that my friend who is adopting domestically was picked by a birth mother and her daughter is due on October 8th. Yes, I'm so happy for her but I cried all during the church service. I kept thinking why not us? Why are we having to wait so long? It's just not fair. Then I would think - OMG - I am being nothing but selfish - it's not about us - it's about a baby. A little one who needs a home and a loving family. Can you see where my head was at? I went home, cleaned our bedroom and just ranted all day. Thank goodness the boys were doing their show at a church in Smithfield.

Okay, so today is a new day. I'm still a tad grumpy, but I'm doing better. I'm still mad at myself for my reaction to her announcement. And yes, I know all the words..."it will happen for you too....she hasn't been born's not time yet...." blah, blah, blah - I don't wanna hear that. I can be upset about this process - it's the ONLY thing I can control. So, I'll be grumpy today and maybe tomorrow I'll be better.



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