KISSES IN THE WIND


I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that’s how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are… what’s taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin…
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I’m doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you’ll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.
— Unknown

People Just Don't Get It!!

I was looking at one of my adoption forums this morning and I saw this post about an anti-adoption site. (Thanks Donna!) They are so quick to judge. There are so many little ones who need a home, who need a mom and dad, who need to be loved and cherished. Yes, they are loved in an orphanage, but its not the same. You and I both know it. We are not buying our daughter, we are not "saving" our daughter, we are not doing this because it is the "trendy thing to do". We are going to adopt a little girl to give her the love, attention, and support that every child deserves. Why should she sit in an orphanage if we have the ability to meet her needs? Why should she be scared and lonely, to suffer a life where she will not be able to realize her full potential? There are over 1 million little girls missing in China each year. Over 1 million! The people at the anti-adoption site are selfish. The children that are adopted have been left in front of police stations, on the side of the road, in front of orphanages, on the bus. The penalty in China for having a second child is extremely high. They are fined almost a years worth of wages, the children can be denied residence, food rations, and even schooling.

We are not taking these girls away from their heritage, away from who they are. We are going to love and support them. We are going to dream with them, cry with them, and laugh with them.

Cyber Shower

On Saturday, the 25th, I went to my first cyber shower. What is a cyber shower? It is where a group of us get together on line, send each other a gift, then meet on a scheduled date and time and open up the gift you received. It was a bunch of fun! I met 2 people who are just a few months behind me in the paper chase and they live out towards Raleigh! My gift came in the mail a few weeks ago and has been sitting on my counter teasing me! When I opened the box there was some confetti, a piggy bank with the Cinese symbol of love on it, some Chinese candy, a pretty purple blanket with a butterfly and dragon fly on it, an adorable panda bear that had a message recorded on it, and a book that I can put our pictures in and and send to China. She also sent a card that she made which was so sweet. I'll take a picture and post it so everyone can see it.

Saturday was also my birthday and big T surprised me with a quick beach get-a-way! The boys went to their friends house and after the shower we took off for the beach. It was very nice! The weather wasn't very cooperative, but just to get away was fantastic. We didn't do much, just went out to dinner, then back to the condo to hang out. In the morning we went to breakfast then came home. I know, like I said we didn't do much. It was nice all the same! One of his friends has this condo for 5 or 6 months so when the weather gets warmer we are going to take the boys down for the weekend. We are not beach people but it will be a mini vacation for us and the boys will enjoy it.

Adoption news - the latest referals were sent out and go through the 25th of May. Looks like we are going to have a 10 month wait until we meet our daughter. I also have to call NY again to get them to fax me the needed letter so we can finish up with the paperwork.

We still haven't received anything from NY. If we don't today I'm going to call again and have them fax the needed paperwork to me. This is just hold us up!! I'm climbing the ladder and I'm almost at the top rung, just about to step into that light....then boom...I'm knocked back down.

I know, I know...all in due time...but I'm so frustrated! Everything that happens has a reason, yes, I do believe that. Last night we could have won 1000 in a reverse drawing, but the number that we get each year was given to another couple. That's okay - that couple must have needed the money more than we did. It took a year for big T to finally say yes to adoption, that's okay too. I was a peace with it and knew that he would when he was ready. Now...it's taking 4 months to get this paperwork done and becasue of this last fiasco we probably won't be DTC until the end of March!!! I was hoping to see our daughters face by Christmas. Unlese CCAA speeds up the referrals, this won't happen. The agency is saying a 10 month wait. That means January of 2007!!! ugh!!

Curious About George

This is Curious George. There was some discussion on one of the forums I'm on about whether or not a 3 yr old from China should see this. Now you may ask yourself what is there to discuss about this. It seems that there is a scene where the man in the yellow hat allows George to be captured and sent back to Africa. So, what? That is considered to some an abandonment issue! I know, I know...I don't see the problem here either. I mean, its a movie folks! I want to protect my daughter too, believe me I do, but I will refuse to hide her away from these so called "issues". The posters were saying that their daughters were very sensitive. hmmmm....we adults read too much into EVERYTHING!! I took a 3 year old last night to this movie. We had the whole theatre to ourselves. Was she upset when the mean guys came and put George back on the boat? Was she sad? Did she ask her mommy why the man in the yellow hat was abandoning poor George? Did she just fall out and cry her little eyes out? Nope. Ya wanna know what she did? She ran all over the theatre, hopping up and down the steps, getting stuck in the seats, and just having the best time sitting in all the different seats. She hardly even watched the movie, let alone become upset because George was going back home. Did she understand this so called abandonment issue? Nope, she's only 3!! All she knows is that she got to go see a movie on a real big tv, eat some popcorn and rasinets, play with the folding seats (help momma, I'm stuck!), and hop up and down the stairs.

I will protect and love my daughter, but I will not keep her so closed up that she is not prepared to face what is outside of our safe little family. If you have a little one, take them to the movie. Enjoy how they react to the "big tv". Enjoy the "help momma I'm stuck", enjoy each and every laugh, each and every tear, each and every moment, because they grow up way too fast!

Doing the Happy Dance

Can you see me? I'm going around in circles with my hands in the air and my head back just screaming and laughing!! I got the 10 documents back on Sunday from the assistant stork. They have all be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate!! That means that all we are really waiting for is our marriage certificate (which I have to send out yet) and the 171H which will hopefully come when they get our new homestudy. If feels so good to have most of this done!!

So, while I've been waiting for the paperwork to be ready I've tried to keep myself busy doing other things. So far I've crocheted a nice size blanket for T and I'm working on a smaller one. I'm going to go to Michael's tonight and see if they have a bag of cloth tags. If so I'm going to sew them to this smaller blanket and make it a "tabby blankie" for her. I've also knitted 2 hats and I'm almost done with the 3rd hat for the kids at the orphanage. I might do some scarves too. I sure do have plenty of time!! I wonder how many blankets, scarves, and hats I can make in a year!! I think 6 months into the wait I'll start on her "corner nursery".

We talked about digital cameras and laptops this weekend and what I planned to bring with me. Big T questioned why I would need a laptop and I said "Don't you want to see our daughter placed in my arms for the first time?". He said of course he want's to see that!! My heart just fluttered! I hope that the wait times creep back down because I sure would like to have her by this Christmas!!

Nothing else has been happening. I'm waiting on something from NY so that Nathanson's can finish up our homestudy. - again! Come on NY...you do everything else fast...let's get off your can and get going!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that is frustration you see!! T took me aside when I got home Friday night and said "we have a problem". Seems his clearance came back with something on it. Never mind that nothing is suppose to show up, or that this was suppose to be expunged, or that it was 27 YEARS ago....it still showed up. Now we have to do a horse and pony show for Homeland Security, and I still haven't heard back from our agency. (I called them on Friday after he told me.) I'm going crazy here pulling my hair out. It is 10:30 in Colorado...why haven't they gotten back to me? We are so close to completing the paperwork....

Ok, now I'm whining. I'll wait until 2:00 here and if I don't hear anything back I'll call them again. If we have to do another home study and I got to find the place to get records then I want to start now...not tomorrow.

I just checked on line and I saw where the post office tried to delivery my package to the A.S. but they left a note...huh?? I did sign the waiver of signature.... I also emailed her on Friday and again today but she has not acknowledged either one but I'm sure she will today. She's been very helpful thus far so I'm sure I'll hear from her soon.

So Close!!

I just sent off 10 documents to be authenticated to the Assistant Stork. She will walk the documents to the state department and to the Chinese embassy for a moderate fee.

Documents left to be certified:

1. Homestudy
2. Marriage Certificate
3. 171-H

Documents sent to the Assistant Stork

1. Financial Statement
2. Employment verification – T
3. Employment verification – C
4. Police Clearance – T
5. Police Clearance – C
6. Adoption Petition
7. Physical – T
8. Physical – C
9. Birth Certificate – T
10. Birth Certificate – C

Rumors are flying around the different boards. Some say that CCAA is going to pick up the pace and send referrals from the 2nd half of May all the way into the middle of June. Some say that referrals will not even come this month and when they do come next month they will only be for the last half of May. Some agencies are telling people they will have an 8 to 10 month wait, others are saying 12 months. Good grief!! I'm trying so hard to get DTC by the end of the month dependentependant on the 171 coming....and I don't expect it until the end of this month.

Waiting...I'm not very good at this waiting game...what am I going to do while we wait? T will keep busy with the boys, this isn't the front runner in his head but it is mine!! I've already crocheted one blanket and I've started another one. We are only doing a corner nursery so that project won't take a bunch of time. I don't want to go shopping for clothes or baby items until I know how old and what size she will be. Any ideas?

Just some thoughts

A quick update on the paperwork. I received most of the paperwork back certified from NC. I have not received T's employment verification back. I checked the USPS website but the confirmation number I have but it is not in transit yet. Wonder what's going on with that? Oh, and our marriage certificate came back again!! Jeez....duh C!!! You weren't married in Onondaga County...you never LIVED in Onondaga County! Now I got to send it back for the third time to get it certified. In the meantime I'm going to use the assistant stork and send her the 7 pieces I have now for authentication.

I got an email from our agency after they reviewed the homestudy. There are 5 changes that will need to be made then it will be all set. A few of them are about our parents health. They don't want anything in the home study talking about heart disease (T's dad and my mom). So, the sw will take that out. She will also have to change the financial information to match what our petition says...which is what I told her to begin with!! Anyway, I emailed the home study agency with the changes and they left a message on our answering machine stating they should have it changed in the next week or so....no!!! I don't think so!! If we don't get it back by Friday I'll make a phone call. I've heard nothing but good things about this home study agency but my experience has not been the best. The communication between them and us is horrible. I have to call and leave messages and call again to finally get some answers to my questions.

So, we decided on the name of Tiana Claire. Pretty, yes, I agree, but the more I think about this other name in my head the more I really lean towards it. It doesn't roll off your tongue like the first one does but everytime I say it I think of both my mom and grandma and just smile. The name is Tommiann. Yes, one word, maybe with a dash, like Tommi-Ann. The middle name would still be Claire along with her Chinese name. Writing it with the dash seems to look better and would stand a better chance to be pronounced correctly once she gets to school Alot of people have been talking on APC about 2 middle names and the pros and cons of them. There was also a post about an older girl being adopted and how she couldn't understand why the Americans chop up the Chinese name. For example, the name could be Fu Hong Lei. Fu is usually the orphanage name or the directors name. Hong Lei is the girls name. A bunch of families would just keep the Lei. The girl said that would be like having the name of Karen and just using Kar. So, we will probably keep her whole Chinese name...which will make her name even longer!! Tommi-Ann Claire Hong Lei .....she'll probably cuss us out everytime she has to fill out legal documents or get her driver's license!!

We hoped to be DTC by the end of this month but it looks like it will be March. So with the current time lines I think we'll have her picture by November or December and then travel next year. It seems sooo far away but it's already February....come on time...keep flying by!!!!